Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
