I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
