I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
they're like a gay fantastic four
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
