I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
