im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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