So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
