This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
