Can i not drive my cunt home
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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