You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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