we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I lost the right to judge tonight
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
