I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
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HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
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SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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