so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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