Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
