hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
