Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
