my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
