Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
