I wanna passion pit in your ass
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
