I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
