Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
