return my video game
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
