New invention idea: vibrating tampons
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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