youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
