i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
