have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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