i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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