I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
