So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
