i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
