I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
