We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
