I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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