to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
