I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
