On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
