My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
