my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
