If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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