and she was petting her beer can
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
