so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
