It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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