You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
