thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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