That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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