my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We got so high we made milksteak
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
