Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
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the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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