Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
