Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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