He uses pillows to masturbate.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
