D3 body, D1 cock
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
