he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
