If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
