she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
