That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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