Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
