Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
