She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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