you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
