i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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