he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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