Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize