I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I would fuck him just for his dog
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
