Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
