All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
