he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
