Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Fuck appropriateness.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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