I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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