i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
