i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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