i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
