The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
