I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
