I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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