I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
