Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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