No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
