there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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