Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
