I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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